“FORGIVENESS IS NOT THE ELIMINATION OF YOUR MEMORY, BUT THE ELIMINATION OF YOUR PAIN.”
When we practiced letting go in the last chapter, you probably had mixed feelings. Your mind may have tried to fight the healing with negative and counterproductive thoughts, but ultimately this process pushes us to move forward and take steps in a new direction. Continue doing the things that make you feel good. Use the strategies that empower you and lean into the healing process. There is infinite freedom in the decision to take your own path.
We are at the helm of the ship and make a series of decisions to stay on course, but just as a Captain refers to navigation and weather guides, we need to adhere to the guidance bestowed upon us as well. In my case, the Lord Jesus is my compass, my guide, my North Star. Be sure to have ears that hear and a heart that listens as you put your hands on the proverbial wheel. You can see the big waves coming and you have learned enough to navigate them, gliding over the top instead of being consumed.
Guilt can be one of these proverbial waves that can capsize your ship. Guilt can be debilitating. It’s one of the worst feelings. When you see a wave of guilt roaring up over the horizon, don’t turn away from it. Accept it, examine it, and try to view the situation from an outside perspective. So often we are our own harshest critics. By all means, address the blame, but don’t let it consume you. Tackle guilt not to impose self-suffering, but to climb the wave as so to break through to the other side. Any examination of past “sins” should always end with, “How can I make this better? How can we move on?”
Guilt can pester us when things go wrong. It can make us play over and over in our head our mistakes and oversights. We begin to tally up our oversights, omissions, and misdeeds. When we let go of guilt, we take our power back. Guilt comes from past actions and emotions, things we cannot go back and change. Why continue giving power to something that will never change? Use these lessons and allow them to propel you forward. When we listen to the Lord, we will not make the same mistake twice.
Again, think of life as a voyage. When we travel, we always move forward. Someone at the helm looks ahead and not at the wake behind the ship. We must do the same. Do not look back. To keep your craft safe, watch the horizon. Simply said: ‘We have a full life ahead of us. The life lesson we needed to learn is something we’ve already mastered by living through it.’
“PEACE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF STRUGGLE; IT IS THE ABSENCE OF INNER STRUGGLE.”
Here are Five Ways to Let Go:
RECOGNIZE THAT THE PAST IS THE PAST
“YOUR DECISIONS DECIDE HAPPINESS.”
We can never move on from the past if we continue to dwell in it. The process begins when we first acknowledge that the past is the past. This seems straightforward, but when we realize that the past is over, we open ourselves up to more acceptance. We can grow and become a newer and better version of ourselves with that acknowledgement.
IDENTIFY BEHAVIOR PATTERNS YOU WISH TO CHANGE
Change cannot occur unless we acknowledge that something needs to change. Identify the behaviors or patterns that no longer serve you. Permit yourself to let them go. As stated earlier in the book, writing a list of our habits and routines helps us to identify behaviors that debilitate growth. Recognize those barriers, remove them, and change them.
FIND GRATITUDE AND A NEW PERSPECTIVE
Once you’ve accepted that the past cannot be changed, you open yourself up to a powerful new reality. It’s now time to turn the page and accept those events as part of your story, but not the whole story. Your story up to this point has made you who you are in the present, but you get to decide what happens next. Being grateful for all the parts of your story will allow you to move forward with a healthy, constructive mindset.
CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK
When we first learned how to ride a bike, most of us discovered that it might take a few tries to achieve perfection. New behaviors and thinking patterns are no different. They’re both skills. Cut yourself some slack and recognize that you will make mistakes. All of us do. Learning to live past loss is like riding a bike: it will take time to master, and sometimes we stumble, but once we master it, we will feel free.
LOVE YOURSELF THE MOST
Self-love is powerful. When we take time to truly celebrate and embrace all that we are, beautiful things happen. When we have self-love and self-esteem, we teach others how they should treat us. When we treat ourselves with respect, we will not tolerate anyone who treats us disrespectfully. Self-love also helps us to radiate love.
Finally, self-love gives us the power to forgive. We can forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made and be proud of taking the steps necessary to move forward as stronger and wiser human beings. In the end, it is important to remember that pain is temporary and often sets us up for an amazing future. Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can take their place. Have faith that there are no coincidences or mistakes. Everything that happens to you is an opportunity for you to achieve your higher purpose. I’ll be delving into self-love in the following chapters.
I believe that there are no coincidences with God. All is planned, and all fit into His ultimate purpose. This may be difficult, almost impossible to understand. However, it is encouraging to read these passages when going through some trying times. “The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” – Proverbs 18:10
