“WHAT ENTERS YOU DEFINES WHAT EXITS YOU.”
The greatest and most important adventure of our lives is discovering who we are. Still, so many of us walk around not knowing who we truly are, or we listen to a dreadful inner critic telling us what we should be. Remember… sometimes rivers need to branch out and add tributaries and streams. Branching out can be a positive experience, exposing you to new lands, peoples, and experiences. Think of your journey not just as one straight pathway, but rather a twisting, branching path with many wondrous possibilities.
Finding yourself may sound like an egotistical goal, but it is an unselfish process at the root of everything we do. To become the best version of ourselves, we must first know who we are, what we value, and what we have to offer. This journey is one every individual will benefit from taking. It is a process that involves breaking down — shedding layers that do not serve us and don’t reflect our genuine selves. Yet, finding yourself is also a tremendous act of development that involves recognizing who we want to be and fulfilling our unique destiny.
This process can be particularly difficult after facing a loss. Losing a loved one feels like losing a piece of yourself. Severing such a strong bond is difficult, especially when you must redefine your life without that person’s presence. Try to remember that you are not leaving that person in the past, but rather growing from the loss you experienced to become a better version of yourself. You will always have memories of that person. Cherish these memories, but acknowledge that you must move forward.
Finding yourself is a matter of recognizing your power yet while still allowing yourself to be vulnerable. With these principles in mind, I’ll highlight six of the most useful steps to this personal adventure. Picture the six tips like a ladder that you climb rung-by-rung, with each new step providing a foundation and better grip to attempt the next. Remember that visualization is a powerful tool. Whenever that climb gets difficult for me, I focus on why I’m working on self-improvement. I think of my children and want to be the best I can be for them, so they can draw on me whenever they need me in life. I imagine my wife’s face and voice encouraging me with her trademark calm and compassionate demeanor. Visualize, then actualize your climb one rung at a time.
MAKE SENSE OF YOUR PAST
Understanding your story is essential to uncovering who you are and why you act the way you do. It takes strength and bravery to dig into the past, but this is an important step on the road to understanding yourself and becoming who you want to be. Research has shown that it isn’t just what transpired that defines who we become, but how much we’ve made sense of what happened to us. Unresolved traumas may help to explain behavior and coping mechanisms.
The better we can form a clear narrative of our lives, the better we can make mindful, conscious decisions that represent our true selves. Dealing with your past will help you to develop your best future self. I imagine that your past, like mine, contains many peaks and valleys. Taking an honest inventory of our mistakes, opportunities missed, and regrets isn’t easy or comfortable, but it’s necessary, and you’ll emerge stronger for it. I can’t change my past, but I can learn from it.
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT
Most people have a predisposed tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life. Many of us succumb to victimized thoughts or complaints about our circumstances. Instead of falling into the trap of self-sabotaging thoughts, try orienting yourself toward positive goals, strategies, and solutions. Think about what you want instead of concentrating on what you don’t want, because recognizing your wants and desires will help you to realize who you are and what’s important to you. You may feel conflicted because pursuing your desire may put you in a state of vulnerability. Living life to the fullest means taking chances and risks. Therefore, the experience of joy and fulfillment may be accompanied, on occasion, by anxiety and dejection. Getting what you want may also make you uncomfortable because it represents a break from the past, which may bring on feelings of guilt, criticism, and self-doubt. Try to loosen your defenses and silence this inner critic to discover what you truly want in life.
RECOGNIZE YOUR POWER
Knowing what you want gives you the ability to break free from the spiral of negative thinking and take control of your life, accepting yourself as a powerful player in your destiny. Harnessing this power is essential to finding and becoming yourself. Personal power is based on the confidence and competence that you acquire through your development. It is self-assertion and a natural, healthy striving for love, satisfaction, and meaning in one’s world. Realizing your power means recognizing that you have a momentous effect on our lives and the lives of others. We create the world we live in. Building a better world means shifting our outlook, feeling empowered, and rejecting a victimized point of view.
SILENCE YOUR INNER CRITIC
It is also important to address the ways that we “self-parent,” either by criticizing or soothing ourselves. A self-soothing voice may tell us we don’t have to try, or that we need to be taken care of or controlled. Similarly, a critical self-parenting voice may inflict a sense of defeat through perfectionism. By recognizing and standing up to this internal enemy, we free ourselves of self-doubt. Start right now by disarming these intrusive thoughts.
PRACTICE COMPASSION AND GENEROSITY
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” In addition to improving mental and physical health, generosity can enhance our sense of purpose. Studies even show that people experience more joy from giving than from receiving. Random acts of kindness are my favorite pastime. “It is more blessed (makes one happier and more to be envied) to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35
